Monday, February 26, 2007

Introverted Thinking Perceiving

Introverted Thinking Perceiving (ITP) - The Future Mechanics and Thinkers

ITP Traits
  • Logical and objective
  • Tend to be adventurous, and enjoy taking physical risks
  • They're original and value their uniqueness
  • They're highly independent, and don't like being told what to do
  • They have no interest in controlling or leading others, or telling them what to do
  • Quiet and serious
  • Honest and direct
  • They're very observant
  • Curious and interested in learning new things
  • Quick to learn new things
  • Not overly affectionate or demonstrative of their love
  • They enjoy books
  • They have a tendency to be loners, and may have one or two friends, rather than lots of acquaintances
  • They're very easy-going and undemanding
  • Often prefer to work alone rather than in groups
  • They want to be good at things that interest them, and they apply their own standards rather than trying to impress anyone else
  • They get bored easily
  • They value precision in communication, and are irritated by exaggerations and half-truths

Potential Strengths

  • When interested in something, they exhibit extreme competence and will master it completely
  • They're flexible and can adapt well to new situations
  • Laid-back and easy-going, they're usually easy to get along with
    Strong sense of fairness
  • They're highly observant, and quickly incorporate new data into their thinking
  • They're usually quite intelligent, and able to do well in higher education
  • They're quite honest and truthful
  • They take things seriously, and are seldom frivolous or flighty
  • They have open and accepting natures, although they're not always interested in people

Potential Weaknesses

  • They don't have a good sense of time or schedules, and may frequently run late or miss deadlines
  • They will strongly resist being told what to do, which may present a discipline problem
  • They do not like to make decisions, and prefer to leave things open until the last possible moment
  • They will resist doing anything that they don't feel like doing
  • They're often unaware of how others are feeling, or how their own behavior affects others
  • They keep their own feelings closely guarded and well-hidden from others, sometimes even from themselves
  • When stressed out or upset, they may react with extreme emotions that are inappropriate or exaggerated for the situation
  • Highly objective and detached, they may have difficulty forming close bonds with people
  • With their risk-taking natures, they might get into some trouble

ITP Learning Style

ITP children have Thinking as their dominant personality function. Accordingly, they are extremely logical and rational. They probably have the capacity to absorb and process just about anything that a school curriculum would offer. However, if they're not interested in a particular topic, they will not put forth any effort into learning it. They don't tend to be as interested in classes that require use of the Feeling function, such as foreign languages and art. They are interested in work that requires the use of logic, and increasingly presents new challenges to their minds. These types of courses, such as many kinds of Math, will be completely mastered by the ITP’s, who highly values their competency and drives themselves to meet their own high standard of excellence.

ITP children need specific feedback. General praise or criticism (such as “Good job!”) means nothing to an ITP. They need to know specifically what they did well, or specifically what they did not do well, and why. Be as specific and detailed as possible when giving feedback to an ITP child.

ITP children have a strong need for things to be logical and consistent. Accordingly, they need to have any rules or goals spelled out clearly and consistently. Rules must be consistently enforced for everyone to suit the ITP's sense of fair play.

ITP children are very interested in learning, but they get bored easily. They need to be presented with new challenges constantly in order to keep them interested and developing.
ITP children do not like being told explicitly what to do. They will do best with assignments in which they are told what the desired goal is and any rules that must be followed, and left to their own devices to achieve the goal.

ITP children work best alone. They may have problems with group’s assignments, and may reject these kinds of projects by not participating much.

ITP Special Needs

Our society associates the Feeling preference (rather than Thinking) with female characteristics. ITP girls (who prefer Thinking) may be seen as unfeminine. They're likely to shun "girly" clothing and may appear distant and reserved, rather than friendly and empathetic. ITP girls should not be made to feel guilty for these traits. As they reach the teenage years, ITP girls will become more interested in social acceptance, and may seek advice at that time on how to use their Feeling function more effectively.

ITP children do not have access to their Feeling function at a young age. That doesn't mean that they don't have feelings, it means that they don't make decisions based on subjective data. Their decisions are made entirely based on logic and objective fact. That means the ITP values objective truth over a person's feelings in a given situation. In practice, this makes the ITP child sometimes do or say things that hurt other people's feelings. The ITP child is not naturally interested in or aware of other people's feelings, and they will need to develop this interest and skill as they grow. Parents and other caregivers can help ITP children learn how to form bonds by their own example. ITP children are very observant and will pick up on adult behaviors. They can learn how to make friends and be friends by observing how adults do this.

ITP children are typically very direct in their speech. This will sometimes cause them to say things that seem unfeeling or inappropriate for a given situation. Adults should realize that the child rarely intends to be mean, although they may say something hurtful. They are just being their honest and direct selves. They should not be made to feel guilty about this behavior. If their directness is causing a real problem, you can speak with them about it, providing real examples and explaining rationally why their behavior is causing problems. However, they are likely to continue being direct, because it goes against their nature to tailor the truth.

ITP kids need for things to be fair in order for them to be comfortable. They want rules to be enforced consistently for everyone, and will become upset over any perceived favoritism. They have a strong sense of fair play and will treat others fairly. They also expect to be treated fairly, and may become quite upset if they aren't.

Extraverted Thinking Judging

Extraverted Thinking Judging (ETJ) - The Future Executives and Guardians

ETJ Traits
  • Strongly opinionated and self-confident, they think that they're always right
  • Strong-willed and independent
  • Intelligent and capable
  • They're curious about everything, and are always asking "Why?"
  • Energetic and enthusiastic
  • Active and interested in physical sports
  • Unusually powerful and authoritative presence for a child
  • They're friendly and enjoy people
  • They prize competence and knowledge
  • Very honest and direct
  • Often unaware and uninterested in how others feel
  • They make decisions quickly and with authority
  • They may seem older than they are
  • They are very competitive
  • Independent and self-sufficient, they prefer to lead than follow

Potential Strengths

  • They usually have a good amount of self-esteem that is not easily shaken
  • ETJ’s are natural leaders
  • They're very logical and rational
  • They tend to follow through on their projects
  • They are naturally driven to put their ideas or projects into plans and structures
  • They are friendly and usually make friends easily
  • They respect and meet deadlines
  • They're usually very capable, and will completely master something that has interested them
  • They are good with money, and usually know how to make money
  • They're able to take constructive criticism well, without feeling personally threatened

Potential Weaknesses

  • Their natural bluntness and honesty causes them to sometimes say hurtful things
  • They can be extremely dominating and controlling
  • They can have bad tempers, and get angry easily
  • They can be arrogant
  • Their need for structure and order makes it difficult for them to adapt to new situations
  • They can only see their own perspective, and don't recognize any one else's viewpoint as valid
  • They make decisions very quickly, sometimes with no real data to go on
  • They don't understand the value of people's feelings, and need to learn compassion
  • They tend to be loud and aggressive, and may get into fights

ETJ Learning Style

ETJ children are extremely logical and rational, and do very well with tasks that can be mastered using logic. If you are trying to impress a point upon an ETJ, you will have to do it logically. A rational argument is the only way to reach them effectively.

ETJ children desire structure, order, and consistency. Rules and expectations need to be clearly defined and consistently enforced. Tasks need to be planned out in order for the ETJ’s to be comfortable with performing them. If there is no clear plan for performing a given assignment, the ETJ’s will need to create a plan on their own before they can complete it.

ETJ’s are very goal-oriented, and will work hard to meet defined goals. Create and define clear goals for the ETJ’s to pursue.

ETJ’s are loud and expressive, and like to be the center of attention. They're likely to speak up in class without being asked, and often give answers before they have thought them through completely. If this behavior creates a problem in the classroom, the teacher could create a rule that no one is allowed to speak out unless they raise their hand and are called upon. If this rule is explained clearly and rationally to the child, and is consistently enforced, the ETJ’s is likely to respect it.

ETJ children are very honest and fair. They may become quite upset at any perceived unfairness, and inequity of rules. They strongly believe that rules should apply to everyone, and they don't understand bending rules for a particular case. They may even try to take it upon themselves to enforce rules.

ETJ’s are highly curious children, and are always asking questions. Teachers should respond to the ETJ's questions as precisely and accurately as possible. If they're not sure how to answer a question, they should be prepared to say so, and to offer possible avenues for discovering the answer, such as library research. They shouldn't try to gloss over something that they don't know, because the ETJ’s will very likely pursue the question until it is satisfactorily answered.
ETJ children are naturally suspicious of new things. They often have difficulty accepting new concepts, and may reject them entirely at first. When introducing a new subject to an ETJ, teachers should present the new idea in the same context as something that the ETJ’s already knows. For example, when introducing division, a teacher could quell a J type's fears by saying something like: "Division is just like multiplication, which we already know. The rules are just switched around."

ETJ’s get their best satisfaction and confidence from mastering something on their own. They highly prize their competence and independence. Teachers and parents can encourage this development in the ETJ’s by asking their opinions and listening with respect to their ideas. Rewarding achievements by increasing the ETJ's responsibility for doing things on their own is also an excellent way to promote their healthy development.

ETJ's should be complimented very specifically. Global feedback (such as "Good job!") does not have any value to the ETJ’s. They want to know exactly what they did well, and why it is considered good. Be as specific as possible when giving feedback to the ETJ child.

ETJ Special Needs

ETJ children are typically very direct in their speech. This will sometimes cause them to say things that seem unfeeling or inappropriate for a given situation. Adults should realize that the child rarely intends to be mean, although they may say something hurtful. They are just being their honest and direct selves. They should not be made to feel guilty about this behavior. If their directness is causing a real problem, you can speak with them about it, providing real examples and explaining rationally why their behavior is causing problems.

Some ETJ kids have a problem with physical aggression. They might push and shove other kids, or get into outright fights. The best way to deal with this behavior is to set very clear rules that prohibit this type of aggressive behavior. Since ETJ’s are most impressed by a logical argument, explaining the logical and realistic implications of their hurtful behavior should be effective. These rules should be clearly defined and consistently enforced.

ETJ’s has a tremendous amount of energy and need to be physically active. It's important that they have outlets for all of this energy. One great way for parents and caregivers to provide their ETJ's with opportunities for physical activity is to promote their involvement with team sports. ETJ’s do especially well with team sports because they're able to benefit from the social aspect as well as the physical activity. They also may use the opportunity to practice their natural leadership skills.

ETJ females often receive strong messages from our society that they need to tone down their assertiveness and self-confidence to be more feminine. As ETJ girls enter adolescence, they will probably go through a hard time trying to reconcile their forceful natures with society's feminine ideal. They get a definite message from the world around them that since they are girls they should be gentler then they are. Sometimes these messages are subtle, but sometimes they are quite obvious. Parents should definitely not fall into the trap of criticizing their ETJ girls for a lack of femininity. That's the type of thing that may seriously damage a child's self-esteem, and cause them to be uncomfortable with their appeal and sexuality as adults. Parents should show clear and consistent support for their ETJ girls. This will help them retain their natural self-esteem in the face of a society that wants them to be different than they naturally are.

ETJ boys, on the other hand, receive positive supportive messages from our society about their "masculine" personalities. If ETJ boys value this support to the extent that they allow their dominance and aggression free reign in their personalities, they're likely to have real problems developing their Feeling preference. The Feeling side is already the weakest area for an ETJ, and it would be a big mistake to starve its development completely.

ETJ children do not naturally adapt well to new situations, and are sometimes uncomfortable with change or anything new. Parents and caregivers should not force their ETJ children to accept new ideas or experiences before they are ready. Putting a new experience within the framework of something that is already known to the ETJ’s will help them to accept the idea.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Introverted Feelers Perceiving

Introverted Feelers Perceiving (IFP) - The Future Idealists and Artists

IFP Traits
  • Very idealistic
  • Take things seriously and personally
  • Quiet and gentle
  • Extremely sensitive
  • Shy and reserved with strangers
  • Enjoy reading
  • Service-oriented, they want to please others
  • They love animals and small babies
  • Likely to be messy and unstructured
  • They need lots of love and affection

Potential Strengths

  • Deeply caring and empathic
  • They're usually very kind and sweet
  • Laidback and easygoing, they're not likely to create trouble
  • They adapt well to new situations, and welcome change
  • They're usually relaxed, peaceful and unrushed
  • Usually extremely creative and artistic
  • They are original and genuine
  • Take things seriously, and aren't likely to be frivolous
  • They need harmony, and can be good peacemakers
  • They're faithful and devoted to people and causes
  • They're often quite faithful to their religion

Potential Weaknesses

  • They're extremely sensitive and become hurt very easily
  • They cannot use logic well at a young age
  • They don't really have a concept of time or schedules, so they are frequently late
  • May be reckless and irresponsible with money
  • Tendency to let negative thoughts build up inside them until it becomes an unhealthy situation
  • They cannot see things objectively - they see everything from their own point of view
  • If they feel rejected or unloved, they may become very depressed and moody
  • They are procrastinators and have trouble completing projects
  • They are so internally focused that they are sometimes completely unaware of how anyone else is feeling
  • They have difficulty expressing their deepest feelings, and are sometimes unaware of these feelings themselves
  • Although they care deeply about others, they are self-absorbed and so may be seen as selfish
  • They cannot take any kind of criticism, and will become defensive and emotional when criticized
  • They don't like to make decisions, and will put it off as long as possible
  • They often view decisions with absolute finality, and don't realize that they can change their mind later
  • They naturally move slowly doing things, which makes them sometimes appear lazy
  • They have trouble asserting themselves

IFP Learning Style

IFP’s often are dreamy and imaginative children, and may seem to be off in their own world. They usually excel in the Humanities, such as English (Writing), Music, Art, and History. They will be interested in Science classes that have a clear human connection, such as Biology.

IFP’s will resist doing tasks that seem impersonal, for which they can't see how it affects the human element. Presenting logical tasks within the framework of how performing the task helps humans will help the IFP’s face the task more willingly. Logic is still not their strong point, so patience learning these kinds of tasks will have to be shown. Since they're not naturally logical and they don't naturally see the value of sheer logic, the IFP’s is at a disadvantage with these kinds of lessons.

IFP’s have trouble making decisions about which project they want to do, or which class they want to take, etc. They are often fearful of making decisions because they think that they are final and unalterable, and they're afraid of making the wrong choice. IFP children should be helped to make these kinds of decisions on their own, and they should be supported and encouraged in the decisions that they make. Positive reinforcement will help the IFP’s to trust their decision-making abilities.

IFP children have trouble following through on projects. They may lose interest halfway through, and move onto the next exciting project. IFP children need to learn the value of finishing what they start. They will not finish all of their projects, but they can be expected to finish at least the larger, more important projects that they have begun. This should be encouraged with a reward system, rather than a punishment system. IFP’s are often crushed by punishment and criticism.

IFP children are frequently scattered in their priorities, and dislike making decisions or committing themselves to one particular idea. To combat this tendency, teachers and other adults should frequently tell IFP children to "pick one thing and do it well". Engraining this idea in the IFP's mind will offer a significant gift to the developing IFP’s, and the adult that they will become.

When giving constructive criticism or a poor grade to an IFP, also give some positive feedback so that the IFP’s is not frightened off from doing that type of task again in the future.

IFP Special Needs

The biggest stumbling block for IFP children (and for IFP adults) is their extreme sensitivity. IFP kids need to learn and understand that conflict is not something they should always take to heart. The IFP's opinion of himself or herself is largely influenced by other people's opinion of them. If the IFP’s feel unconditional love and acceptance, they are more likely to feel self-confident, and will be able to handle some criticism. However, IFP's will probably have a lifelong issue with feeling things passionately, and with taking any criticism completely to heart. When correcting an IFP, a parent should always include some positive comment about the IFP’s along with the negative. This will help the child to know that a specific criticism is not an indictment of their entire character.

Their strong service-oriented attitude is in some ways very sweet and gratifying, but it also can create problems for the IFP child if they are more interested in pleasing people than in anything else. There will be situations presented to the child in which they will not be able to please everyone. The child needs to understand that it's sometimes OK to do something that might make someone else unhappy. They need to understand that if someone is unhappy with something that the IFP’s has done, that doesn't mean that they hate the IFP child. Avoiding making others upset or unhappy is an admirable goal, but it can't always be done.

Parents and teachers of IFP kids should give positive feedback and affirmation as often as possible. Some Thinking adults often don't express love or admiration. They believe that their kids already know how they feel, so there's no need to say it over and over again. Feeling children need to hear this feedback. If an adult doesn't give them any feedback at all, this is often equal to negative feedback in the Feeling child's mind.

IFP kids should be encouraged to show some healthy assertiveness. They should be told that it's OK to express their opinions even if everyone won't agree with them, or if their opinions make someone unhappy. Encouraging your child to express their opinion, and then supporting and complimenting their behavior will help them to become more assertive. If you can't agree with the actual opinion that they express, at least you can compliment them on the fact that they are asserting themselves. If your child has a problem with asserting himself or herself, you should NOT criticize the opinions that they express until they show that they are comfortable with asserting themselves.

Extraverted Feelers Judging

Extraverted Feelers Judging (EFJ) - The Future Givers and Caregivers

EFJ Traits
  • Friendly and outgoing
  • Very sensitive and in tune with others' feelings
  • They become very upset by conflict
  • Upbeat and enthusiastic
  • They are perfectionists, and can be very hard on themselves
  • Enjoy people, and need a lot of interaction with others
  • Dislike being alone
  • They love to please people, and may go to great lengths for their approval
  • Big talkers
  • Show a desire to take care of others
  • They usually need a lot of physical affection
  • Enjoy being the center of attention
  • Thrive on praise, and can be crushed by criticism
  • Active and energetic
  • They usually enjoy school
  • They're independent and want to do things for themselves
  • They prefer to lead rather than follow
  • They are decisive and authoritative

Potential Strengths

  • They have kind, sweet and open natures
  • They make friends easily, and are usually popular
  • They are structured and organized, although they may or may not be very neat
  • They are usually dependable and hard working
  • They are good at making plans and usually follow through on them
  • They will respect and follow rules if they are clearly defined and consistently enforced
  • They are usually well-mannered and well-behaved children, probably because they crave social approval
  • They can read other people very well, and know how to get on their good sides
  • They are charming and fun

Potential Weaknesses

  • Their intense and passionate feelings make them hyper-sensitive
  • They're so interested in pleasing others that they might do things that they don't really want to do
  • They may be overly loud and excitable
  • They want to please others so much that they will lie or exaggerate to say something that they think someone wants to hear
  • Cannot take criticism at all without becoming very upset
  • Can be controlling and manipulative
  • They may tend to make decisions too quickly, without understanding all of the facts
  • They tend to get in the middle of other people's problems
  • They need to talk a lot about their feelings in order to get them into perspective
  • They are uncomfortable with change and do not usually adapt well to new situations

EFJ Learning Style

EFJ children usually enjoy going to school, because it meets many of their natural needs. They always find people to interact with at school and they enjoy the structured environment. They are usually responsible and hard working students, although their interest in being social may cause them to be easily distracted in the classroom.

An EFJ's need to constantly interact with others makes it difficult for them to sit quietly and do a project on their own. They greatly prefer group projects, and usually do better when they can talk through their ideas and tasks out loud with others. If an EFJ is allowed to work with a friend rather than working alone, he or she will almost always be happier and more productive.

EFJ’s has a strong need for harmony and are quickly unsettled by conflict. They need to feel that their teacher likes them in order to be able to function well in a given class. If the child and teacher have not formed a bond, the EFJ child may assume that the teacher does not like them. A teacher should take a few extra moments to get to know the EFJ child, and let the child know that they are glad to have them in their class.

EFJ’s are most comfortable when the rules and expectations are spelled out clearly. Before they can complete any task or assignment, they will want to have a plan. If the task is not already planned out, they need to have the rules and goals clearly defined so that they can create a plan.

EFJ Special Needs

Finding a way to discipline their EFJ’s without crushing their spirit will be a difficult task for many parents. EFJ children are hyper-sensitive to criticism, and can be completely disable by punishment. Parents can diminish the need to punish their EFJ children by clearing defining the rules and expectations for the child's behavior. Rules should be enforced consistently and as kindly as possible. If you need to discipline your child, make sure that they know that you are doing it for their own good, and that you still love them.

Parents and teachers of EFJ children should give them positive feedback as often as possible. Some Thinking adults often do not express love or admiration. They believe that their kids know how they feel, so it's not necessary to express themselves over and over again. Feeling children need to hear the feedback. If an adult doesn't give them any feedback at all, this is often equal to negative feedback in the Feeling child's mind.

EFJ children feel things intensely and passionately. They will carry this trait with them throughout their lives. It's important that they're not made to feel guilty or foolish for having such strong feelings. Some well-meaning parents might not want their children to have such emotional reactions to situations, and may try to downplay their children's feelings. That is a mistake. EFJ children will grow into EFJ adults, and nothing will change that. However, the EFJ's parents will influence the child's general happiness and effectiveness throughout their lives. Parents should encourage their EFJ children to share their feelings, and should listen to them without harsh judgment.

EFJ’s loves to be socially active and feel like part of a group. They also thrive on opportunities to help others. These attributes are some of the strongest that they will have to offer in their lives. To encourage their healthy development, EFJ’s should be encouraged to participate in group activities like Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. They will also benefit from organized religion and community volunteer work. Team sports are an excellent outlet for their abundant physical energy, as well as their social needs.

EFJ’s are uncomfortable with change, and will probably approach an unknown situation with caution and reserve. Parents and caregivers should give their EFJ’s time to adjust to the idea rather than pushing them. Helping the EFJ child to see the new situation within the context of something that the EFJ’s has already experienced will help them adjust.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Introverted Intuition Judging

Introverted Intuition Judging (INJ) - The Future Protectors and Scientists

INJ Traits
  • They have vivid imaginations
  • They're curious about everything, and are always asking "Why?"
  • They enjoy spending time one-on-one with others, rather than in large groups
  • They're often off in their own world, and have a dreamlike quality
  • They enjoy art and music
  • They love books, and especially enjoy fiction
  • They're likely to hang back and watch before participating in a social situation
  • They're intensely private, and don't always share their thought and feelings
  • They like structure and are unsettled by chaos or unplanned events
  • They prefer sports that focus on individual performance rather than team sports
  • They are perfectionists
  • They're serious and intense
  • They often seem older than they are, and may have older friends
  • They are original and independent, and value their uniqueness
  • They're not overly concerned with grades, but they want to completely understand a subject that interests them

Potential Strengths

  • They're usually very intelligent
  • They can grasp the big picture easily
  • They can see any far-reaching consequences of their actions
  • They're very resourceful
  • They are extremely creative and imaginative
  • They easily come up with good ideas
  • They're usually well-liked by their peers
  • They will completely master a subject that interests them
  • Their desire to be in control of themselves makes them take responsibility for their actions
  • They are usually confident in their ideas, and know instinctively when they are right about something

Potential Weaknesses

  • They have short attention spans
  • They get bored easily with details or routine tasks
  • They won't put any effort into doing something that doesn't interest them
  • They frequently don't hear people
  • Once they have made up their mind about something, they can be very stubborn about it
  • They ignore details
  • They are unsettled by change, and don't usually adapt well to new situations
  • They're uncomfortable and somewhat overwhelmed by large groups
  • They are rather unaware of their environment, and seem "out of it"
  • They are rather self-centered, and may be unaware of how their actions or words affect others
  • They can be controlling and bossy
  • Although they come up with ideas easily, they don't do as well implementing their ideas

INJ Learning Style

INJ’s are extremely curious and intellectual children who need a wide variety of mental stimulation. When they are interested in a subject, they will naturally want to know everything about it. Teachers should be prepared to point INJ children towards sources where they can learn more about the subject.

INJ children don't do well with tasks that require following prescribed steps in a plan or rote memorization. They find these kinds of things extremely boring, and they will resist doing them. They also don't like to do things repetitively. Once they have done something once, they are done with it and want to move on to the next thing. To keep things interesting for the INJ’s, teachers should give them the basic theory and the desired outcome, and let them figure out how to get there on their own.

Teachers should realize the INJ's weakness of not always being aware of their environment, and recognize that if an INJ didn't hear the teacher, it doesn't necessarily mean that they weren't listening. Sometimes the INJ's private world overtakes the INJ’s to the point that they completely tune out their environment. One should show as much patience as possible with this characteristic. INJ’s will develop some control over this as they grow older.

INJ’s love to come up with ideas, and naturally want to put their ideas into some kind of structure or plan. They want to do this on their own, with little or no direction. They highly prize their ideas and their competence at performing their projects, and are threatened by someone giving them too much direction. This is almost an insult to the INJ’s, who bases a great deal of their self-esteem on their independence.

INJ’s thrive doing independent projects that require creativity, such as science projects or writing projects. They will probably not enjoy group projects as much, although they are likely to be fine working with one partner on a project.

Answer the INJ's many questions as thoroughly as possible. If you don't know the answer to a question, be honest and tell them that you don't know. Offer possible avenues for discovering the answer, such as library research.

Present the rules and expectations clearly and consistently. INJ’s naturally crave structure and order. Although they don't want to be told exactly how to do something, they need to understand any rules clearly.

INJ Special Needs

INJ children need a good amount of time alone. They get most of their energy from within themselves and their rich imaginations, so they need adequate time alone to recharge their batteries. After a long day of school, the INJ’s may head to their room to spend some time alone. Respect this need of your child's, and understand that once they have spent time alone they will be ready to interact with you. Don't push them to be around yourself or others until they have spent some quality alone time. An INJ who doesn't get the chance to spend any time alone will be irritable, cranky and tired.

INJ’s who have made up their minds about something can be quite stubborn and unwilling to compromise. When faced with an INJ who has "dug in their heels" about something, take some time to present them with clear and valid alternatives to their way of thinking. This will help the INJ’s to not become overly rigid, pompous and unbending in their views.

Socially, pre-teen INJ's are usually fairly reserved and may be intimidated by large numbers of people. They like to watch for awhile before participating. Its best not to push the INJ’s to interact socially before they are ready. Allow them to watch first, and jump in when they want to. If you are a very extraverted or gregarious adult, don't expect the same behavior your INJ child. INJ’s usually prefer to interact with one person at a time, and enjoy having a couple of close friends rather than a number of acquaintances. As the INJ’s gets a bit older, he or she will probably become more social. In the meantime, understand that your child is probably uncomfortable with large groups of people, and don't make them feel guilty for that fear. If your child is afraid of walking into large social situations alone, you might arrange to walk in with your child, or have your child go to the event with a friend.

Too many suggestions or feedback on a project while it is still going on may interfere with the INJ's creative energy. Much of the interest in actually doing the project comes from the INJ's drive to prove their inner visions and independence. Any "interference" from the external world will confuse the INJ’s, and it may cause them to doubt themselves or their idea. In any event, it will usually cause them to lose interest in the project and abandon it. It's probably best to wait until an INJ's project is finished before commenting.

Talk through their ideas with them one-on-one. This will help the INJ’s to put their ideas into context within the external world. The INJ’s doesn't naturally have a high awareness of how their intensely personal visions fit into the world. Getting them into the habit of talking through their ideas while they are young will help them develop the ability to apply their ideas realistically and effectively.

Extraverted Intuition Perceiving

Extraverted Intuition Perceiving (ENP) - The Future Motivator and Creative Thinker

ENP Traits
  • They have a lot of energy
  • They're curious about everything, and seem to be always asking "Why?"
  • They have lots of ideas and love to talk about them
  • They always have several projects going on
  • They want to be original and interesting
  • They like to be leaders, and resist following
  • They're very social
  • They're very independent, and want to do things for themselves
  • They want to be the center of attention
  • They probably tend to be dramatic, and enjoy acting or performing
  • They're outspoken and energetic, and may interrupt frequently, or finish people's sentences for them

Potential Strengths

  • They're usually cheerful, optimistic, and fun to be around
  • They're enthusiastic and fearless
  • They believe that anything is possible
  • They have very good communication skills and a strong ability to persuade others to come around to their point of view
  • They usually have a good vocabulary, and can express themselves well in written and verbal form
  • They're very clever
  • They show an unusual understanding of people and situations for a child
  • They have good people skills and are usually well-liked
  • They naturally see the possibilities of a situation and the "big picture"

Potential Weaknesses

  • They frequently forget rules, or else they never knew them in the first place
  • They have a lot of projects going on at one time, and may be scattered
  • They frequently don't finish their projects
  • They're usually very messy, and dislike cleaning up
  • They tend to speak in a very loud voice without realizing it
  • They have difficulty making decisions, and often resist decisions
  • They are often unaware of their physical environment
  • They may not take good care of themselves
  • They're not usually very aware of time or schedules
  • They don't like being controlled by others, and may be rebellious
  • They dislike being asked to do anything, and will often act very "put upon" by any request

ENP Learning Style

ENP’s like to be busy and active, and need a lot of stimulation to keep from getting bored. They find tasks that require rote memorization intensely boring. They also don't do well with following pre-defined steps that someone else has come up with. ENP’s like to be involved in their projects. They will only put effort into things that they are very interested in doing, which typically means that they need to have come up with the idea or contributed to it somehow. Alternatively, they can be motivated to participate in projects if someone else has really sold them on the idea, and thus inspired them to be interested in the project.

ENP’s are distracted easily from the task at hand, and need to really develop their ability to focus in on what they're doing and close out environmental distractions. This is an acquired skill for ENP’s. This does not mean that the ENP’s should be put in a room by themselves to work on their assignments. This would actually be detrimental to the ENP’s. They work best with others, and around others. They should be encouraged to work on their projects in the presence of others, but to remain focused on what they're doing.

ENP’s have trouble finishing projects that they have begun. This is partially due to the fact that they are easily distracted environmentally, but also due to the fact that they quickly lose interest in their projects once they are past the planning phase. ENP’s loves to come up with interesting ideas and things to do, but find the process of actually implementing their plans to be tedious. ENP’s will not finish all of their projects, and this should be understood, but the ENP’s should be encouraged to complete some projects all the way through to the end. This is an important step for the ENP’s, who needs to learn the value of following through.

The most valuable thing that can be taught to an ENP is the concept of narrowing their focus. The ENP’s has many ideas going on at once in their head, and believes that they can do everything. They are not realistic in their scope. They should be told repeatedly "pick one thing and do it well". The adult who is able to impress this upon the young ENP’s will be giving them a tremendous gift.

ENP’s are not very concerned with their grades, or with doing their homework. They will resist doing assignments that they find tedious. They are far more interested in understanding the theory behind a problem than they are in actually doing the problem. They learn best by theory rather than by example. They need to understand the theory before they can do anything. Teachers should communicate the theory behind the practical application in order to get through to the ENP’s.

Let's use division as an example. Some children learn how to divide numbers best by doing it over and over again. They learn by example and repetition. Once they have done a lot of different division problems, they understand how it works and are comfortable with dividing numbers. ENP’s learn division best by understanding the concept of dividing a whole number into smaller parts. They see a circle with a line drawn down the middle, and understand that the whole has been cut in half, or "divided" in half. Once they understand the theory, they can apply this to their division problems and they are comfortable with dividing numbers.

ENP’s are goal-oriented, and do well when given the goal and left alone to achieve it in own ways. They don't like being told explicitly how to do things. They value their own ideas and competence, and treat explicit instructions almost as an insult to their intelligence. They want to be given a goal and a general theory, and use their own resources to fill in the blanks.

ENP Special Needs

ENP children are extremely perceptive about people, and can determine someone else's attitude pretty easily. If a parent disciplines their ENP child reluctantly or with hesitation, the ENP’s will pick up on that immediately and perceive that they might be able to get away with pushing you to not discipline them. In general, the ENP’s tests their boundaries regularly, and will always try to push their boundaries out a bit further. If they're supposed to be in bed at 9:30, they'll push for 10:00. When they get 10:00, they'll push for 10:30. Boundaries and guidelines need to be defined explicitly and firmly for the ENP child.

ENP’s believe that anything is possible, so they have a hard time accepting that they can't get their way. This creates a problem for parents trying to create guidelines for their ENP children's behavior. ENP’s believe that surely things could be worked out in any situation so that the ENP’s gets want they want, and consequently they have a really hard time accepting that they're not going to get their way. For an ENP, being told that they can't do something or have something is perplexing and troubling. They will push repeatedly and ask repeatedly for whatever it is that they're seeking. In order for them to accept their parent's judgment, they need to be told WHY the parent has set the rule or boundary. The rule needs to be defined explicitly to the ENP child, with no room for alternative interpretation.

ENP children are very independent and find their greatest source of self-esteem from their abilities to do things well. They want to do things for themselves, and resist having their parents or other adults telling them what to do. An adult can best encourage a growing ENP’s by showing interest in their projects and admiration for the ENP's ideas, and by letting the ENP’s figure out how to do things on their own without too many specific instructions. This is different from the approach that should be taken when defining guidelines for behavior. Rules and boundaries should be set firmly for the child, but specific instructions on achieving goals should be avoided.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Introverted Sensing Judging

Introverted Sensing Judging (ISJ) - The Future Caretaker and Duty Fulfillers

ISJ Traits
  • Quiet and thoughtful
  • Very practical and realistic
  • They need stability and routine
  • May be very private - rarely sharing their feelings and thoughts
  • They want to know the rules, and expect everyone to follow them
  • They are unsettled by change
  • They're constantly seeking information about things
  • Cautious and reserved about meeting new people
  • Don't like to be the center of attention
    They are very selective and choosy
  • They're very aware and protective of their bodies
  • They're extremely literal
  • Seem older than they are
  • Usually good with money
  • Conservative and traditional
  • Have strong opinions about things, and don't like to compromise
  • They are neat and clean
  • They enjoy participating in sports and team activities

Potential Strengths

  • They generally respect authority figures and don't give a lot of trouble
  • They usually like school and do well there
  • Have excellent memory for details and facts
  • Organized and efficient
  • Strong appreciation for aesthetic beauty
  • Patient
  • Loyal
  • They're very hard-working
  • They're very dependable and responsible

Potential Weaknesses

  • They can be set in their ways, and have trouble adapting to new situations
  • They fear and resist change
  • Need a lot of time to get used to a new idea or environment before they are OK with it
  • Quick to reject things that they don't have direct experience with
  • Need to have the rules explicitly defined or they will be lost
  • May become upset when the rules are not followed
  • They're unable to extrapolate things from one situation into another
  • Distrustful of new people and situations
  • They may have difficulty opening up and sharing their feelings
  • They're very controlling, and need to always be in control of their situation

ISJ Learning Style

ISJ children are very observant. They are constantly gathering facts and storing them away in their brains for future reference. They use this store of facts to pull information out when they are presented with a problem or new situation. They are unsettled when they are presented with situations or problems and don't have any facts in their personal "database" to apply to find a solution. If their information storehouse doesn't have any helpful information, they don't know how to think about the situation or solve the problem, and feel incapable of facing the new situation. To minimize this problem, any new thoughts should be framed within the context of known data for the ISJ. All known facts about the new situation should be presented clearly to the ISJ. If the new situation is similar to something that is already within the experience of the ISJ, that should be pointed out, i.e. "Division is just like Multiplication, which we already know. The rules are just switched around."

ISJ children want to know exactly what is expected of them. The goal for any particular assignment should be made crystal clear. ISJ children do not have the ability to resolve ambiguity on their own. Assignments that are open-ended and require a lot of creativity will be unsettling and perhaps frightening to the ISJ.

ISJ children learn best by example and hands-on experience. They will have difficulty learning how to do something by description or theory. They like to have their tasks defined as steps in a plan. They do not work best when given a general goal and left alone to do it their own way. They need to understand exactly what to do, and learn this best by actually seeing it done or doing it themselves. Describing how it should work in theory will leave the ISJ confused and perhaps fearful about what they are supposed to do.

ISJ children like to perform tasks as if they were following specific steps in a plan. When they are given tasks that they cannot put into a plan, or cannot pre-define what steps to take to achieve their goal, they are likely to be completely lost as to how to complete the assignment.

ISJ children do not have good access to their Intuitive function at this age. Accordingly, they cannot read between the lines in any situation, and cannot extrapolate any hidden meaning from words or situations. They will have real difficulty identifying and understanding any kind of symbolism or metaphors. They cannot extrapolate known rules from one situation into another similar situation. They need to have as many facts as possible about any assignment and goal to be able to do their best work.

ISJ’s are hard workers and usually excellent students. They respect their teachers and authority figures in general. They are responsible about doing their homework, and try very hard to do a good job.

Teachers and other adults should give the ISJ time to absorb facts and ideas before you expect them to be able to talk about the ideas, or answer any questions. The ISJ child needs more time than most to incorporate new ideas into their tremendous "storehouse" of ideas. Once they have learned something, it is retained essentially forever, and is at the ISJ's disposal for future use.

ISJ Special Needs

More so than any other personality type, ISJ’s need routine and consistency in their lives. The ISJ’s who doesn't have stable roots will be very afraid approaching any new situation. Since almost all experiences are new for children, this could be a very big problem for your child! The ISJ child needs to feel secure and safe, and their feeling of security comes in large part from having a stable home environment, where they know what to expect and expectations for their own behavior are clearly defined.

ISJ’s respect schedules and rules. They get upset when others don't. If they are supposed to be somewhere at 3:00, they want to be there absolutely no later than 3:00! They can become very distraught over the parent who delivers them there at 3:15 or even 3:05. So, for the sake of your ISJ child, be on time!

ISJ’s are very in tune with their bodies, and very aware of their bodily needs. They want regular sleep and meals, and will become unsettled quickly if they suffer in want of sleep or food. They will usually go to bed cheerfully without fussing. Parents of an ISJ’s should make sure that the ISJ’s can keep a consistent schedule for food and sleep.

ISJ children have a strong need to belong and feel like part of a community. Parents should encourage involvement in group activities, such as sports teams, church groups, or musical groups. The ISJ child will find these group activities highly rewarding, and will in all likelihood carry this "community involvement" habit into adulthood.

ISJ children need to have rules spelled out very clearly. They cannot extrapolate rules from one situation into another, and need to have guidelines clearly defined in order to understand what is expected of them.

ISJ children are recharged by spending time alone. They need time alone to sift through all of the facts that they gather during the day. Parents should respect this need, and recognize that it is healthy for their children to spend some time alone.

ISJ’s don't do well being introduced to new things, such as new foods or new places. Parents can ease the introduction of new things by comparing the new thing to something that the child already knows, or by giving them lots of facts about the new experience. Parents can expect that the ISJ’s will need time to absorb a new situation before they're comfortable with it. Young ISJ’s will greatly appreciate the chance to show you what they know. Let them show you their favorite toys or projects and let them tell you all about them. They will open up and become excited, and appreciate the fact that you are interested in what interests them.

Extraverted Sensing Perceiving

Extraverted Sensing Perceiving (ESP) - The Future Performers and Doers.

ESP Traits
  • They want to do everything in a BIG way
  • They have LOTS of energy
  • They love the outdoors
  • They love animals
  • They love to participate in sports and other physical activities
  • They're extremely aware of their environment
  • They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for beauty
  • They need to be constantly busy, and usually have several projects going on
  • They are usually artistic
  • They love to be the center of attention
  • They're very practical and grounded in reality

Potential Strengths

  • They're generally cheerful and almost always in a good mood
  • They're usually popular and well-liked by almost everyone
  • They pick up on other people's behaviors and attitudes more quickly than any other type
  • They get a great deal of enjoyment out of life, and treat life like a big party
  • They have a very good memory for details
  • They're extremely observant - the most observant of all of the types
  • They're extremely generous
  • They like and accept almost everyone

Potential Weaknesses

  • Their general acceptance of everyone may make them poor judges of character
  • They love money
  • They tend to be materialistic
  • They cannot see the big picture in most situations
  • They tend to be thrill-seekers
  • They may be overly loud and boisterous
  • They are very impulsive
  • They do not have the ability to use their intuition at all, or extrapolate anything from one situation into another
  • They frequently do not follow through on tasks or plans
  • They have a difficult time taking anything seriously
  • They live in the present moment, and have difficulty foreseeing the consequences to their actions

    ESP Learning Style

ESP children require explicit instructions when performing a task. They need to have the expectations for the task clearly defined before they can understand what they are supposed to do. Loosely defined assignments, where the outcome is unclear or extremely individualized, will not sit well with the ESP, and they will not perform these kinds of tasks well unless they get clear instructions on how to do them from some source.

ESP’s learn best with lots of hands-on experience. When shown how to do something, they are usually able to pick it up quite easily. Physically, ESP’s are usually very coordinated and agile. They can learn new physical tasks with great speed and accuracy.

ESP’s have a short attention span. They are easily distracted by just about anything that occurs in their environment. They are also extremely social, and often get distracted talking and interacting with other children. An ESP’s attention will be retained longer if they are allowed to interact with their environment while learning. They do well with team activities, or when allowed to work with other kids.

ESP children have a tremendous amount of energy, and are very physically oriented. They can't sit still for more than a few minutes before they start to wiggle around and get very bored. Working with other kids may help combat this problem, or a teacher could try some alternative lesson plans that include combining physical activity with learning. An example of this might be reading a poem and acting it out at the same time.

In general, ESP children need to have a lot of new mental and physical stimulation. They are extremely curious and observant, and seek new experiences constantly. They are extremely aware of their immediate environment, and cannot ignore that awareness. They learn best doing activities that combine the mental learning with their physical environment. Activities that do not include a strong physical, tangible, reality become boring very quickly to the ESP.

ESP Special Needs

ESP kids need to be constantly moving, and will have a hard time in situations where they are required to sit in one place for any length of time. Teachers and parents should be aware of these needs, and design activities that incorporate physical activity as much as possible. ESP’s, needs to be busy in general. They get easily bored and need a lot of stimulation and new experiences to remain cheerful and to continue to grow.

Because ESP’s live so much in the present moment, it's important that they receive corrections immediately when a problem occurs. Waiting until later will seriously diminish the effect of the action. Any disciplinary or corrective action should be pointed and swiftly administered. By saying this, we are not referring to physical discipline, and in no way condone any kind of physical abuse of your children.

For ESP’s, actions speak louder than words. They learn best by example, and should be provided with models of behavior. They will pick something up best if they are shown how to do it, rather than told how to do it. If you want to teach them how to act in a certain situation, they will learn this best if you show them how to act with your own behavior. ESP children are great mimics, and are very likely to pick up on the behaviors of their parents and other important adults in their lives.

ESP children routinely test their boundaries. These kids may be the sort to get themselves into trouble frequently. It's very important that clear boundaries be set for them. These boundaries should be very explicitly defined, and should be consistently reinforced.

ESP children do not have good use of their Intuition at this age, so it's very important that rules are spelled out for them. If a rule has been made for a certain situation, they will probably not automatically apply that rule to a different similar situation. They require explicit instructions.

ESP’s are likely to have trouble remembering and following rules - even if they have been clearly defined. Adults should remind ESP’s of the rules frequently, spelling them out in their entirety. Expectations for the ESP's behavior should be made explicit, and they will need to be reminded. Adults must be consistent in enforcing these rules.


"Do you know what you are?
You are a marvel.
You are unique.
In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you."
Pablo Casals
Each child is unique, and has a different way of looking at and interacting with the world. Children have different talents that develop as they grow and practice them. If a child's natural talents are suppressed by a well-meaning adult, that child will develop self-doubt and may have a long, difficult road ahead of them overcoming that obstacle. As adults, we should recognize the children's different styles of learning and interacting, and promote the best possible development of their natural strengths and weaknesses.

One very powerful way to encourage the optimal development of a child is to use the model of Psychological Type to better understand the child and ourselves. In order to fully benefit from this system, it's important for adults to understand their own personality type, as well as that of their children. We need to not only understand why our children act in certain ways, but also to understand why we have certain expectations of their behavior. It's equally important to remember not to box children into categories that may limit their development. Discovering your child's personality type will help you to understand them better, and to create environments for them that enhance their natural strengths. It should not be seen as an absolute predictor of behavior, or as a description of a child's limitations. There is no "best" or "worst" personality type. Individuals of all types have their own special gifts for the world.
As children grow and learn and develop. Their personalities take shape and begin to obviously influence their behaviors and attitudes. By the age 13, a child's baseline personality can be considered fairly set, and we can usually identify which of the sixteen "adult" personality types a teenager fits into. Prior to age 13, the child's auxiliary function is usually not developed sufficiently to be recognized. Accordingly, we can identify 3 out of 4 of the personality preferences for children aged 7-12. For younger children, we can identify 2 out of 4 of the preferences.
  1. Extraverted Sensing Perceiving (ESP) - The Future Performers and Doers
  2. Introverted Sensing Judging (ISJ) - The Future Caretaker and Duty Fulfillers
  3. Extraverted Intuition Perceiving (ENP) - The Future Motivator and Creative Thinker
  4. Introverted Intuition Judging (INJ) - The Future Protectors and Scientists
  5. Extraverted Feelers Judging (EFJ) - The Future Givers and Caregivers
  6. Introverted Feelers Perceiving (IFP) - The Future Idealists and Artists
  7. Extraverted Thinking Judging (ETJ) - The Future Executives and Guardians
  8. Introverted Thinking Perceiving (ITP) - The Future Mechanics and Thinkers

Monday, February 19, 2007


Children are not just little adults. They go through typical characteristics of growth—intellectually, emotionally, and socially—on their way to becoming adults. When parents realize these things, there is less strain on both parents and children.

The following chart lists some common characteristics of children's behavior, arranged by broad age groupings, with reasons for that behavior and the implications that behavior may have on planning enjoyable and productive family home evenings. However, when considering any growth or behavior chart, remember that not every child will necessarily fit into described patterns. Individual children grow and develop differently and at different speeds. For instance, all children in one family will not walk or talk at the same age. Each child should be respected as an individual. The descriptions in this chart identify general behavior only, and you will note that the age groupings overlap.

Birth to 3 years of age


1. A child likes affection, being held and cuddled. He especially likes motion—being carried, tossed, and sitting on a lap.
2. He loses interest quickly and will interrupt conversations, stories, or activities with cries, noises, and wiggling. He enjoys simple, repeated gestures and touches, playing with objects, putting them in his mouth and throwing them.
3. A child stops "naughty" behavior when you tell him to, but he soon goes back to it as though he doesn't care what you want.


1.Infants and young children learn trust and love first through touch. They are absorbed in exploring the world through their senses and movements, and they are gradually getting more control over their muscles.
2. Children at this age are only aware of their own viewpoint, wants, and experiences. Doing things over and over helps them learn about things.
3. Children have no understanding of rules and cannot understand how one situation has any relationship to another. They lack the ability to foresee consequences.


1. Give lots of affection, holding, cuddling, talking and listening. He is unable to understand rules, so correct his behavior with patience and love. He has a limited attention span. He will listen only to those things that interest him.
2. Provide short, vivid stories and games (peek-a-boo, patty-cake) that challenge his mental and sensory abilities. Provide repetition and practice short behaviors. Talk about Heavenly Father and Jesus and how to please them.
3. Do not try to teach concepts or rules; he cannot understand them. But do have rules and be consistent in applying them. Respond to him in positive ways to help him feel good about himself.

2 to 7 years of age


1. A child will display affection at odd moments. He may run to you for a quick hug and then go on with his play. He likes affection but only in brief doses. He may sometimes push unsought affection aside when his attention is elsewhere. He rejects your help even though there are many things he cannot do for himself, like drawing and other tasks requiring good finger and hand coordination.
2. A child may seem selfish, not sharing. He wants things others are using and does not play with children so much as along side them. Disagreements and frustrations are common. He interrupts others and cannot stay long with one activity if others are not doing it. He likes stories and imitates others.
3. A child may seem willful and disobedient and unable to justify "naughty" behavior. His reasons may be illogical: "Jimmy (an imaginary friend) made me." He is often slow to obey and must be reminded.


1. Parents meet most of a child's needs and satisfactions. As a child begins to conquer his world, he needs to know that this source of security is still there. He has an equally important need to do things, to be active, and to explore his world as his control over his body improves.
2. A child still thinks the world is the way he sees it, not understanding that there can be more than one reason for anything. He cannot understand others' needs. He cannot keep a lot of ideas in his head for very long, so he turns to other things when his attention lags or he gets bored.
3. "Good" means "satisfying" to him; he still doesn't understand that rules apply to many situations. He doesn't reason the same way adults do. He learns by testing the limits imposed upon him.


1. Give him simple things to do--holding pictures, leading songs. Increase these and add talks as he gets older. Let him feel he is an important part of family home evening. Give affection and praise. Practice "good" behaviors like folding arms and bowing heads, kneeling for prayers, drinking from a sacrament cup, and sitting still. Teach him about Jesus Christ and the gospel and how you feel about them.
3. Read or tell scripture stories. Explain the "hard" parts. Choose stories that give "good" behavior to copy. Explain in concrete terms, not in abstract principles. Define gospel words like repentance, faith, and forgiveness with familiar examples. Use examples, simply told, from your own or other family members' lives.
3.Introduce rules but keep them simple. Be firm and consistent. Help your child to be successful so he can develop self-confidence. Show how obedience will help him grow.

7 to 12 years of age


1. Boys may appear less open to affection than girls, particularly around others, but may accept it more willingly when hurt or frustrated. Both are active, like games, and prefer the company of their own sex.
2. They like games and may spend much time discussing rules, fairness, and cheating. Some are aggressive while others lack self-confidence. In school, girls may be more successful, obedient, and more interested than boys. A child might be interested in clubs, cliques, or neighborhood gangs, seeking friends outside the home.
3. He questions parents' decisions, wanting to know "why." When your explanations are fair or logical, he will accept them; if arbitrary or inconsistent, he will question them, but usually obey.


1. Boys and girls are learning what they are all about. They play at the roles set for them much of the time. Although they look to each other for examples, parental love and approval are very important.
2. Games and clubs help the child learn about himself and how rules apply to his life. He is very aware of competition and concerned about his performance. Because girls are usually more adept at language and social skills at this age, they may do better than boys who may feel inferior or rejected.
2. A child has discovered that things that happen are governed by or explained by rules. Knowing the rules and how they apply is extremely important because it helps him predict consequences.


1. Be ready to listen. Give each child some personal time. Support your child in his problems. Provide real-life examples (stories and short examples) of good role models.
2. Provide challenging games that teach sportsmanship, honesty, and cooperation. Help boys get ready for priesthood service. Teach the commandments and obligations as children of our Father in Heaven. Choose activities that build family unity.
3. If your child questions decisions, do not become angry. Explain and then allow him to respond. Be fair and impartial in applying rules, helping him understand how Heavenly Father's rules are for our good.

11 to adulthood


l. A boy may become awkward and clumsy, while a girl may become silly and self-centered. Both may seem irresponsible.
2. Youth may enjoy sports, group activities, and discussions about "life," values, and principles (justice, equality, peace). But they may show great intolerance for others' opinions. They may want to escape the family but be afraid to do so.
3. Youth often question values and come to distrust rules, especially rules without any strong ethical or moral basis. They may insist upon their "rights" to be independent. They may seem uncertain of what is meant by "right" and "wrong" for a time. They often reject authority as a reason to approve or disapprove of a behavior.


1. Physical growth and changes are emotionally upsetting; the youth feels that things are happening faster than he is ready for them. He feels more socially than physically awkward.
2. Sports and play are no longer ways of exploring rules. They reassure youth about their abilities as they watch and copy others while establishing their own adult identities. Youth are especially concerned about relationships with each other. They may be insecure and uncertain about what society expects.
3. Youth have found by now that rules are not infallible. They are now able to handle abstract concepts and are busy building their own guiding philosophy of life. They now look behind the rules for the principles.


1. Discuss gospel and life principles with your child. Avoid arguing over his different views; rather teach by sharing your own faith, experiences, uncertainty. Be supportive, encouraging, and accepting. Be consistent in applying rules and explain them in terms of principles.
2. Encourage family support for your children's activities. Be friendly and open to their friends. Discuss marriage goals and how priesthood and service activities express the principles of love, brotherhood, and forgiveness. Find ways to bring their friends into family activities rather than competing for time and loyalty.
3. Teach the idea of baptism, priesthood, and marriage covenants. Help your children see scripture as a record of people trying to cope with problems. Give them opportunities to become involved in challenging discussions of ethical problems and gospel applications. These discussions are practice for making decisions on their own later.


Human Relations is your influence with people around you with the patterns of lifestyle, attitudes, behavior, feelings, motivation, sharing and giving, etc. In short, different aspects of your personality, making a MAGNETIC YOU! The basic insight into human nature is important and can be categorized as follows:-

Different Character: All possess different kind of character, whether good or bad. This is because of their continuous influence on their surroundings right from the birth to levels of their understanding. All have their ups and downs and so, one has to understand through sympathetic imagination, possess the abilities to feel other’s problems, joys, thrills, sorrows and above all, nature.

Emotionally Sociable: Be kind, caring, thoughtful person. It shows your quality of goodness, friendliness, loving and cooperative self. People see what you show yourself, the genuineness, originality, and eternal outer surface of your heart. Your built up image reflects your mind and your actions speak louder than words.

Concerned Nature: Your concern over feelings of others is always appreciated and is the basic forces for their liking towards you. Criticism should have no stand in one’s life and is raw, disheartening, discouraging and just smudged reaction to let down a person. Criticism is your inferior complex, popping up on surface, an ego to boost your ownself. Love, affection, appreciation in turn, makes you feel important, liked and above all, a best among the rest.

Ideals & Inspirations: These are the qualities that motivate to show the surging potentials within you. They rise your spirits to swing in action and gear for a set of desired goals reaching the attaining heights of superiority and success. Encouragement builds confidence and plays a major role from the start. The conscious within stirs the soul with the ideals and thereby Inspirations generate the will to push ahead the lifetime Karmas for a nonchalant achievement.

Wisdom of Acceptance: Our basic concept of accepting people is "Beware - No blind conviction please" which true in modern times yet, unfortunate attitude misguiding the human mind. Strangers too, are humans with equally a static life with ups and downs turning their moods and attitude. A kind, caring affectionate goodness with sympathetic imagination and ability to feel other’s joy and thrills. A problem builds an acceptance of a person with insights of human behavioral patterns.

Forgiveness: The shaken and strained state of mind with resentment experiences bitterness and frustration. Forgiveness to the guilty relaxes and ease’s the stress and relations. The sympathetic forgiveness, true from the heart brings peace and happiness. The emotional set back turns to normalcy with realization of shame and guilt, gathering up oneself from shattered hopes of despair.
Sharing & Giving: When you squander for yourself, you become a victim of selfish mind but selflessness sharing and giving, in terms of your ideas, time, energy, talent, money, belongings will reach you heights anew with aliveness and joys of living. A luxurious living hurts inside with loneliness and malign feelings but, initiated feelings of sharing and giving will add to peace, joy and prosperity, the true art of living.

Religious Nature: Being an atheist brings out a human in you. Divine contact brings vision for future. Abilities are blossomed with renewed hope, faith and trust. It makes a deeper person with more understandings of humanity. The blurred visibilities are clear as reflections of religious feelings gives strength and courage to face challenges of life.

Communication: The very heart of human relations that bridges gaps towards closeness. Communication can be words, gestures or from the core of the heart. Sorrows, joys, dreams, success, failures and so on are the basic human conversational topics in different forms. Personal feelings are vital exposures and should be shared deeply for a strong bond of relationship. The very absence of communication would leave one alone morose and broken hearted.

True is your Beauty in body and Soul if you understand the Art of living with the basics of Human Relations and then one is able to build a better Personality.


An individual's personality is the complex of mental characteristics that makes them unique from other people. It includes all of the patterns of thought and emotions that cause us to do and say things in particular ways. At a basic level, personality is expressed through our temperament or emotional tone. However, personality also colors our values, beliefs, and expectations. There are many potential factors that are involved in shaping a personality. These factors are usually seen as coming from heredity and the environment. Research by psychologists over the last several decades has increasingly pointed to hereditary factors being more important, especially for basic personality traits such as emotional tone. However, the acquisition of values, beliefs, and expectations seem to be due more to socialization and unique experiences, especially during childhood.

Some hereditary factors that contribute to personality development do so as a result of interactions with the particular social environment in which people live. For instance, your genetically inherited physical and mental capabilities have an impact on how others see you and, subsequently, how you see yourself. If you have poor motor skills that prevent you from throwing a ball straight and if you regularly get bad grades in school, you will very likely be labeled by your teachers, friends, and relatives as someone who is inadequate or a failure to some degree. This can become a self-fulfilling prophesy as you increasingly perceive yourself in this way and become more pessimistic about your capabilities and your future. Likewise, your health and physical appearance are likely to be very important in your personality development. You may be frail or robust. You may have a learning disability. You may be slender in a culture that considers obesity attractive or vice versa. These largely hereditary factors are likely to cause you to feel that you are nice-looking, ugly, or just adequate. Likewise, skin color, gender, and sexual orientation are likely to have a major impact on how you perceive yourself. Whether you are accepted by others as being normal or abnormal can lead you to think and act in a socially acceptable or marginal and even deviant way.

There are many potential environmental influences that help to shape personality. Child rearing practices are especially critical. In the dominant culture of North America, children are usually raised in ways that encourage them to become self-reliant and independent. Children are often allowed to act somewhat like equals to their parents. For instance, they are included in making decisions about what type of food and entertainment the family will have on a night out. Children are given allowances and small jobs around the house to teach them how to be responsible for themselves. In contrast, children in China are usually encouraged to think and act as a member of their family and to suppress their own wishes when they are in conflict with the needs of the family. Independence and self-reliance are viewed as an indication of family failure and are discouraged. It is not surprising that Chinese children traditionally have not been allowed to act as equals to their parents.

Despite significant differences in child rearing practices around the world, there are some similarities. Boys and girls are socialized differently to some extent in all societies. They receive different messages from their parents and other adults as to what is appropriate for them to do in life. They are encouraged to prepare for their future in jobs fitting their gender. Boys are more often allowed freedom to experiment and to participate in physically risky activities. Girls are encouraged to learn how to do domestic tasks and to participate in child rearing by baby-sitting. If children do not follow these traditional paths, they are often labeled as marginal or even deviant. Girls may be called "tomboys" and boys may be ridiculed for not being sufficiently masculine.

There are always unique situations and interpersonal events that help to shape our personalities. Such things as having alcoholic parents, being seriously injured in a car accident or being raped can leave mental scars that make us fearful and less trusting. If you are an only child, you don't have to learn how to compromise as much as children who have several siblings. Chance meetings and actions may have a major impact on the rest of our lives and affect our personalities. For instance, being accepted for admission to a prestigious university or being in the right place at the right time to meet the person who will become your spouse or life partner can significantly alter the course of the rest of your life. Similarly, being drafted into the military during wartime, learning that you were adopted, or personally witnessing a tragic event, such as the destruction of the World Trade Center towers in New York, can change your basic perspective.

In the early 1950's, David Riesman proposed that there are three common types of modal personality that occur around the world. He called them tradition oriented, inner-directed, and other directed personalities.

Tradition-oriented personality
This is one that places a strong emphasis on doing things the same way that they have always been done. Individuals with this sort of personality are less likely to try new things and to seek new experiences.

Inner-directed personalities
They are guilt oriented. That is to say, their behavior is strongly controlled by their conscience. As a result, there is little need for police to make sure that they obey the law. These individuals monitor themselves. If they break the law, they are likely to turn themselves in for punishment.

Other-directed personalities
They have more ambiguous feelings about right and wrong. When they deviate from a societal norm, they usually don't feel guilty. However, if they are caught in the act or exposed publicly, they are likely to feel shame.

Monday, October 30, 2006


A person should try to explore life as much as possible to groom one’s personality.
Exploring life exactly means understanding all the emotions and trying to implement them to their fullest.


Within our everyday lives we CAN experience joy on a daily basis.

But not through the acquisition of material things, fancy titles, or "free" time. Striving in these ways drives joy away as surely as squeezing a handful of water leaves us empty-handed.

If we want to find magical moments in our everyday lives, we have to make room for JOY! Joy requires emptiness - space and inattention. There is no room for joy when we are striving, collecting and hoarding things. There is no room for joy when we are full of anger, cynicism, or despair. There is no room for joy when we are worrying about future or complaining about past events.

As Susanna Tamaro writes in her gem of a book, Follow Your Heart, "Joy… has no object. It seizes you for no apparent reason, it’s like the sun, and its burning is fueled by its own heat."

To be seized with joy we have to be open to it.

Sweep away material things.
Remove from our living spaces the things that bind us to them, that raise negative experiences, or that remind us of the ways we aren’t. We are left with simpler living spaces graced with a few things that have significance and meaning to us. Then we are free to experience the joyous freedom of nourishing memories and pleasing surroundings.

Sweep away anger, resentment, and bitterness.
Apply the greatest gift of all - forgiveness. By living lives of conscious self-acceptance and learning to forgive ourselves we become more able to forgive others. This loosens the unbearable limitation of anger, resentment, doubt and despair and frees our hearts to swell with joy.

Sweep away the busyness and mental chatter of lives lived in the possible future or buried past.
When we second-guess what we "should have done" or anticipate what we are going to do, we become oblivious to the magic in the moment we are living. By learning to be present in the current moment we open to the treasures that it offers.

Sweep away taking for granted and walk with an appreciative heart.
We dance with joy when counting our blessings – those that float unnoticed in our existing lives and those that cascade in unexpectedly. It’s nearly impossible to be gloomy when acknowledging the gifts that are present in our lives.

Sweep away self-limitations and face each day with a can do attitude.
When we start each day with a determined CAN DO attitude, we invite ourselves to learn new things, tackle seemingly difficult challenges. We then experience the joyfulness of self-discovery and accomplishment.

Sweep away worry and explore the impossible power of surrender.
Worry serves as a signal that we must tend to something, but when we have done all that can be done for the moment, it’s time to let go of worry and surrender to the joyous support of people and possibilities.

Surprise your life.
Waken your five senses, practice harmless and minor anger and seek a larger freedom in your life.

Cultivate beauty.
Create beauty in your everyday activities and celebrate beauty in your everyday surroundings.

Embrace Laughter.
Laughter is good for our health, and as Marilyn Fergusan notes, "At the height of laughter the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities."

Give yourself simple extravagances and healthy indulgences.
Garnish your life with little pleasures that don’t destroy your pocketbook…or your health.